After enduring painful monsoon traffic, bumps and
snarls for almost two hours, I was famished when we reached a friend’s place over
the weekend. I requested my friend instantly – much to the chagrin of my wife –
for something to eat. As soon as we were served some snacks, accompanied with a
bright coloured sauce, I was tempted to pounce. To my disappointment, the sauce
was on the other side of the table and I asked my friend to pass me the nice
looking chutney.
Lo and behold! The outburst began. He scorned at me;
handed me the bowl of chutney;
explained the pains they had undergone that day to prepare that special salsa
sauce for the first time and cautioned me of the tempest ahead (his wife
would be joining shortly!) for me for having called this fruit of labour as mere
chutney!
My wife looked at me with equal disdain. My hunger vanished. The cheese
bites were stuck, akin to Adam’s apple, in the passage. I was feeling sinful. The
poverty of language had never been an impediment till that moment; nor had
honesty!
I have always been a connoisseur of good food, though, with
experience, the appreciations have flown from heart rather than head. My
emotional honesty has emerged over several years of travel and turmoil.
One incident just flashed on my memory screen. Soon after my
marriage, when I started carrying lunchbox - romantically prepared by my wife -
to office, I would religiously appreciate the food on return. Appreciation is a
great motivation – the more I praised, the more spices she added - till one
evening when my colleagues visited our home for dinner. In their enthusiasm to
laud my wife’s culinary skills, they told her that the contents of the lunchbox
were too spicy for me to handle and that i bought food from the canteen while they finished my tiffin.
The aftermath is best left to each one’s imagination!
However, this and many a travail later, i realized that honesty was
a risky, yet supreme credo. The world is imploring upon the citizens –
preachers and practitioners alike – to remain honest. The stick is also being
used in form of watchdogs such as vigilance agencies. Nevertheless, the news of
scams and scandals and shame of corruption continues unabated. These stem out
of the involved individuals’ sense of loyalty being more towards self rather
than others. On one of my posts Loyalty Bonus a friend asked whether it was
wrong if one was becoming loyal to oneself rather than others. Honesty,
literally meaning truthfulness, implies being loyal to oneself before showing
allegiance to others. It is a compliance with one’s internal value system. The
belief that one holds as paramount – be it simplicity or greed or indulgence or
deceit or sensitivity or anything else – governs an individual’s definition of
honesty. For a minimalist, simplicity would be honesty and for a mercenary,
honesty would lie in the end rather than the means. The construct is subjective
and practitioner has to take a conscious call between short-term pleasure and long-term
happiness. At times, we perform self-manipulation to control others' responses
to us with a momentary desire to impress or some eyes to ingratiate.
Before the onslaught would start, i quickly banked
on Google to find that salsa was a spicy sauce of chopped vegetables or fruits used
as a condiment especially with Mexican dishes. Where were the Mexican dishes, i
wondered? Chutney, I
discovered, was an Indian condiment of mangoes, tomatoes, onions, chillies,
etc. Had i defied truth by calling salsa as chutney?
If I would have called it salsa sauce, would the taste have been
different?
A minimalist by choice, i preferred to keep my arguments cut down
by Occam’s razor and waited for my friend’s wife to arrive. I preferred
happiness over pleasure or in other words, chutney
over salsa! Having settled the mental conflict, I waited for the real duel. I
do not know whether i decided rightfully or not but concluded that conflict of
honesty would always remain. What would be the right stance – saying truth or
subscribing to what pleases the world?
Ding-dong.
A few more guests arrived. A smile donned my lips as much as it
adorned my wife and my friend’s faces as the discussion would now migrate to
other subjects.
I sat relieved, saved from possible emotional wreckage!
With an unanswered query – honest though, i lived to thrive rather
than whither….
Hahaha... Good one :)
ReplyDeleteGood one. Be honest and don't hv fear about consequences.
ReplyDeleteGood one. Be honest and don't hv fear about consequences.
ReplyDeleteThanks. I am only deriving some strength by sharing experiences!
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteVery aptly put Sir. We have been over time conditioned to be truthful and honest, but in practice, honesty bites. Honestly, nobody likes honesty except few. This oscillation between being honest and pleasing people is what defines us. It shows what we value more our ego or the relationship. While making a choice between the two evils, latter mostly wins for me.
ReplyDeleteVery aptly put Sir. We have been over time conditioned to be truthful and honest, but in practice, honesty bites. Honestly, nobody likes honesty except few. This oscillation between being honest and pleasing people is what defines us. It shows what we value more our ego or the relationship. While making a choice between the two evils, latter mostly wins for me.
ReplyDeleteStriking a harmony in this oscillatory journey is the real challenge. Surprisingly, no rules exist; only morals - individual specific though. To me my belief, to you, yuoor belief !!!
Delete...and each believing that my belief is better...
ReplyDeleteCant say was a pleasure To be one of those who spilled the beans on your transgressions. U may like to ask Vaneet about the Kheer Incident... Visited his house with one common friend n we were served Kheer. That common friend commented that Kheer had a burnt smell. The lady of the house asked us if anything was wrong. Dutifully we shook our heads. When she went inside, we both scolded the common friend. To atone for his error, the poor guy had to eat a second helping...
ReplyDeleteCant say was a pleasure To be one of those who spilled the beans on your transgressions. U may like to ask Vaneet about the Kheer Incident... Visited his house with one common friend n we were served Kheer. That common friend commented that Kheer had a burnt smell. The lady of the house asked us if anything was wrong. Dutifully we shook our heads. When she went inside, we both scolded the common friend. To atone for his error, the poor guy had to eat a second helping...
ReplyDeleteI have eaten many helpings! It is such travails which have fueled emotional honesty...
ReplyDeleteVery apt sir. The conflict always remains and increases tension. If you tell the truth you are termed as 'rude'!
ReplyDelete