(A)Maze

An aunt of mine visited us recently from afar as she had to attend a wedding of her friend’s daughter in our city. She insisted that i and my wife also join her in the ceremony as the invitation was for her “With Family”. We were reluctant; she was persuasive.

In deference to her elderly command, the fragile structures of our diffidence towards being an uninvited guest were caving in. As she showed us the invitation card for the address, a line at the bottom caught my attention and the decision was made.

We decided to accompany her. The footnote in the card – “No gift, no shagun¹, only blessings” emphatically declared the magnanimity of the host. The residual resistance disappeared.

Having grown through times when shagun or gifts were a must in weddings, I was indeed amazed at this subscript but was carried away in my newfound respect towards the host. It reinforced my belief that the society is shedding inhibitions. Live-in relations, surrogacy, funky dressing, flexi and 24*7 working, selfie-mania, freedoms of midnight, sub-nuclear families – all are symptoms of a flux that is gradually settling in our eternally fertile cultural soil. The Aryans, the Mughals, the British – all separated by a few hundred years each - left their imprints in one form or the other on us and our identities evolved. Now, with the instant exchange of information globally, the evolution is taking shape of a revolution, much shrunk on the timescale. Transparency is now the buzzword and the evolved souls – like the host above - apparently are no longer bothered about what the world will say on questions of credence such as what do i do? whom do i live with? what time do i come home? and so on.

Great! Thoughtful time though!

Was this enough provocation to write an obituary on hypocricy, I mused? While Trump is blowing the trumpet of transparency, back home, instances of ambiguous statements by one and revelations of reality by another are making the headlines. With increasing focus on self, individuals may be becoming more courageous and truthful – even to the extent of accepting in public the hitherto taboo aspects such as LGBT – collectively, the mindset continues to remain masked in the mire of worldly exhibitions. Today’s host was one such brave and unorthodox individual, unmindful of what the world would say on his statement in the invitation card. Kudos! More such people can certainly remove the veils of duplicity from around us and fuel the revolution.

Enjoying some sumptuous preparations, I spotted a grin on my wife’s face.

“Are not finding anything tasty?” I asked

“No. I am not feeling comfortable because we are uninvited”

Was she another epitome of transparency in the evolving society, I wondered. I quickly swallowed the piece of nicely done paneer tikka² and stood by her trying to understand her.

“I insist that we should part with some shagun as our good wishes for the new couple”, she said.

I listened, patiently as ever, and wished If only she could focus on food!

The host was candid in declaring “no gifts..” whereas the uninvited guest (my wife) was insistent on shagun – both were true to themselves – each perhaps subscribing to a different frame of reference. But whom do i incline with? My mind was in a muddle.

A friend appeared from behind and as we exchanged pleasantries, he took excuse from my wife and pulled me to my much awaited next round of culinary delight.

A few snacks later, i saw my wife coming towards me and I quickly ran through the remnants in my plate. Surprisingly, she had a sparkling smile on her. She seemed to have overcome the archaic mindset and fallen in sync with the transparent times.

                                                                                                 

I presumed that the maze was solved. I was relieved.            

“I went with aunt and handed over a shagun envelope to the host, who gratefully acknowledged” she announced; “Did you taste the chilli mushroom? They are just amazing” she added after a pause.

I was mute. The maze was not solved; on the contrary, it left me amazed and bisected. Even the publicly written words did not stand ground. The masks of mankind were yet to be fully uncovered. While my wife enjoyed the meals that followed, I nibbled at the nuances of transparency.

My thoughts on obituary of hypocricy seemed to be pre-mature.

Wondering…

1.       Shagun – In some parts of the country, guests shower blessings by handing over some currency in attractive envelopes to the hosts during ceremonies such as wedding.

2.       Paneer Tikka – an Indian delicacy of oven - grilled cottage cheese 

Bandhan

During my recent visit to a temple, the priest tied supposedly sacred threads on my wrist and appended adhesive on the knot. While I did not have the audacity to question him, one of my friends, a few days later, asked me about its significance and longevity? As i fumbled to answer, she pointed to the other thread tied on my wrist – and raised some questions. I was reminded of the occasion when the other thread was tied - Raksha Bandhan¹

We had a get-together and many brothers/sisters were present. A sister, barely eighteen, told her brother – three years younger - that he had to take care of her as she tied Rakhi² on his wrist. The teenaged brother replied quicker than Usain Bolt– “Why do you need me when you are independent and elder to me?”

Was he echoing the sentiments of a nation? I wondered. Or had he seen a pre-release version of the movie Pink and had stepped into the protagonist’s shoes?

The women have certainly become stronger and moved higher across various domains not only in India, but globally - Theresa Mayer, Indra Nooyi, Malala Yousafzai, Arundhati Bhattacharya – just to name a few. It was more than a coincidence that on that festive day, two young women had assured medals for 1.2 billion populous India in Rio Olympics – one of them literally being Sakshi, that is, witness to the success of women from this land of Sindhu(Indus).

While the history carries pages on LaxmiBai, it is also replete with regretful instances of Sati³ and Jauhar⁴. Traditions have gradually evolved and practices have changed as society has granted entry to women in Shani Shingnapur temple, Sabrimala and now, Haji Ali. However, rather than a mass movement, the recent victories for equality and freedom have been the outcome of indomitable individual spirit and sacrifice of some brave women.

As i pondered, the sister said, “Bro, we celebrate Raksha Bandhan because the brothers have been rakshak⁵ for sisters. Let us therefore abide by these traditions!”

The reply was spontaneous again, “There is a Police service in this country, which is rakshak for everyone. Moreover, when we are told that boys and girls are all equal, then why rakshak is required. Forget the threads and overcome the threats on your own”

We were dumbfounded. The sister looked into the eyes of her brother - who was voicing a larger concern though with a tiny understanding – and hugged him. The virtuous valour as implored by the young boy, indeed, persists in pockets; but collective consciousness is lacking in liberating the woman from shackles which have consistently failed and demeaned her as a gender. The pages of her freedom have often been truncated by margins made by hegemonic masculinity.

As that episode ran through my memory, I looked at my friend, who, in turn was having a finer look at the threads tied on my wrist. As i watched her silently, i wondered whether it was important to put adhesives on the knots or on the devil and discordant mindsets that have not yet fallen in sync to transcend the barricades of cultural parochialism.

1. Raksha Bandhan – An Indian festival wherein sisters tie a band/thread around their brothers’ wrists, who vow to safeguard the sisters. Raksha refers to safety and Bandhan refers to the act of tying.

      2.  Rakhi – The wrist band mentioned above

           3.  Sati – The practice of wife sitting and burning herself alive on the pyre of her deceased husband

     4.   Jauhar – Self-immolation of women, including queens and female royals of Hindu kingdoms, when facing defeat at the hands of an enemy

     5.  Rakshak – Savior